I QUIT!
This is not me saying, it’s me doing. I quit! Yeah. It’s no joke buddy. It’s been a long time coming. Trust me.
To My Employer; I’ve held the notion that you are always on my neck. You see to it that I must resume work early and close late, that I must not get emotional/personal when I perceive that my rights are being transgressed by clients/customers just so I don’t turn them away to competitors. That everything must be in perfectly working condition as well as meeting or beating deadlines set by all means. The thought of doing all these ‘for you’ stresses me and most times bring thoughts of exiting from your organization. I’m almost wrinkled from the frowns I wear when you make distasteful remarks either about me or my colleagues. There’s this bitterness that has brewed from the thought I hold of you. This has and still is causing me self-inflicted heartaches. I therefore quit holding these notions about you. Having come to the realization that you want what’s best for the business and have deemed me worthy for this purpose, I know now that I’m not doing all these for you alone. I’d rather keep an open mind and allow myself grow and learn from the experience you and your organization have to offer. I quit listening to negative thoughts and advices from people saying I should quit the job and opportunity you’ve offered having deemed me the best for the job.
Daddy Mi; you’ve almost always never agree with what I wanted for me. There is always a counter idea to my ideas. For this reason I’ve gone through with so many things without your consent__ feeling that you’ll only pose a threat to these desires if I informed you of my need for them. “you cannot have a TV set.” “no! you cannot attend night parties and that’s final!” “oh, you think just because you are grown up you can come to my house with people I don’t know and camp them herein? No it won’t work!” The list of ‘do this’ and ‘don’t do that’ is unending. The notion that you’re just too bossy, commanding and demanding has made me weary and tired of your yelling, ordering around/about. Sometimes I feel like what I have for you is not love nor respect but fear. From this fear I fear could sprout a seed of hate but I say no! I quit holding these negativities against you. I quit being blind to my inadequacies as your child. I quit taking offense in everything you do. I quit thinking you have nothing to offer save disapproving my requests.
I’d rather be open minded to see beyond my selfish desires of you. I want to be open to your every side in obedience and positive attitude just so I can be not just your child (or one of your children) but more so, a friend in progress.
Mum; you’ve always had your ways. Your telepathic tendencies of knowing, being and seeing everything is one major source of my worries. I always feel powerless before you. My notion about your expectations of me have always seemed unrealistic and so I reclined to the company of peers, bad gangs to cool off the pressure I feel from you. I felt I couldn’t handle/deal with the authority you exude. I mean before anything is done you are consulted and must sanction same. Even Dad’s decisions and actions are subject to your ratification. The pain I feel from this perception of you that I hold is overwhelming. I can’t take it anymore and so I quit!. I quit thinking you ‘old skool’ for believing in the hard work/diligence pay philosophy. I quit letting your powers overwhelm me when I can actually tap from and be the better you that you’ll be proud of. I quit inferiority complex!
Peers: my dearest buddies, my escape route from home crisis/pressure. My handy squad, memories of you and our adventures will forever linger in my mind and heart. I shall tell good tales of you to my unborn kids. You’ve been my home away from home__ my homey cronies. But then, I give up trying too hard to keep up with you at the detriment of my happiness. I mean, it’s been a competition. You attain a feat, I’m expected to do better and set a new record all the time or else I’m not fit. The depression I get from this inspires suicidal thoughts and so I quit seeing life from your perspective of quick fixes, shying away from responsibilities, cutting corners and competing unnecessarily. I quit frivolity like late night outs, boasting about how many girls we’ve laid, stamina in bed, wears, accessories, gadgets, good looks, dress sense etc instead of setting and pursuing positive short and long term goals. I Quit!
I’m not quitting you. No! I do need you if we must grow but I quit the numerous negatives in our sojourn.
I’ve had notions that some people are sane in all ways and always. Believing this has caused me pain when the human sides of these supposedly sane persons give them away as imperfect people when they begin to exhibit their shortcomings. Heartbreaks and tears I get from my expectations of them when dismayed. So now, I’m keeping an open mind. I Quit!
I quit trying to appeal to you always. I quit trying to impress you all the time. I quit wanting to be perfect for your sake. I quit being slavish to my desire for/of you. I quit expecting you to be there for me at all times. I quit depending on your judgment/approval of how my live is lived. I quit believing that it’s me alone that deserves the A(s). I quit believing that I’m the saner mind in discussions. I quit being rigid. I quit being too careful__ what’s the fun in not making mistakes and learning from them? I quit letting perceived enemies drain my energy. I quit doubting my abilities. I quit procrastination. I quit being afraid to try just because I don’t want to fail.
In Prince Ea’s voice, “I quit dimming my light so that others won’t have to squint.”
I quit not keeping an open mind and a positive attitude. I quit being ungrateful.
I appreciate you all for being in my life. Special thanks to all those who felt concerned enough to call, text and chat me up when they saw my “I QUIT” post previously. I am sorry if I broke your heart by giving up on the things mentioned herein but I can’t go back now. Got an awesome new life laid out for me and so the need to quit and drop a lot of baggage arises.
_Jeremiah Kadiri (ACICRM)
11/03/018
Comments